What’s the Best Strategy for Parenting Today?
by Jaisha Evans | Jun 16, 2021 | Emotional Wellness
A common reason families seek counseling is to improve their child’s behavior. Parenting today is more complex than ever. We’re surrounded by parenting podcasts, books, and blogs—each offering different, and often contradictory, advice. But one method stands out for its versatility and proven effectiveness: Emotion Coaching, a concept developed by world-renowned psychologist Dr. John Gottman.
Dr. Gottman’s decades of research culminated in his book “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child,” where he introduces a five-step parenting strategy to foster emotional intelligence—a critical skill linked to lifelong success, healthy relationships, and overall well-being.
These steps offer a framework for building stronger parent-child relationships while helping children manage and understand their own emotions.
At the heart of emotion coaching is empathy. It’s not about fixing your child’s problems—it’s about being present and validating their experience. Children feel seen, heard, and supported. Dr. Gottman explains it beautifully:
“Empathetic listeners use their eyes to watch for physical evidence of their children’s emotions… They use their hearts to feel what their children are feeling.” – Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, p.94
Even small issues—like losing a balloon—can feel huge to a child. Humorist Brian Regan hilariously compares this to a parent watching their wallet float away. The takeaway? Acknowledge that what seems minor to us may be major for them.
When children feel validated instead of judged or corrected, they become more cooperative and emotionally secure. Rather than bottling up feelings (which can lead to outbursts), they learn to express themselves and regulate their emotions. This reduces emotional reactivity and strengthens the parent-child bond.
Imagine coming home after a stressful day at work. If your partner immediately asked, “What did you do wrong?” or offered unsolicited advice, you’d feel frustrated. Children experience the same disconnect when we jump to fix their problems rather than simply listening. Emotion coaching helps us slow down and connect instead.
Research shows that children raised with emotion coaching experience:
They’re more likely to self-soothe, bounce back from setbacks, and develop strong interpersonal skills.
Parenting doesn’t come with a manual, but emotion coaching offers a solid, research-backed path forward. It adapts to any parenting style and focuses on nurturing emotionally intelligent, resilient children.
If you're curious about how to implement emotion coaching in your family, we’re here to help. Reach out to Desert Consulting today to learn more or schedule a consultation.
