by Desert Consulting | Aug 22, 2024 | Relationships and Mental Health
It’s a situation many couples find themselves in: One partner recognizes the need for professional help, while the other avoids the conversation entirely. Whether it’s because of fear, pride, past experiences, or stigma, when only one person is willing to attend therapy, it can leave the other feeling stuck, unheard, or hopeless.
If you’re in this situation, know that you’re not alone—and that progress is still possible. Let’s explore how to approach the conversation with compassion, create openness, and move forward together, even if you're not quite on the same page yet.
It’s easy to feel frustrated or rejected when your partner doesn’t want to join you in therapy. But their hesitation often has little to do with you and more to do with fear, past trauma, or misconceptions. Common reasons people resist therapy include:
Instead of pushing, pause and ask:
“What about therapy feels uncomfortable or unsafe to you?”
Creating space for this conversation can help your partner feel seen instead of pressured.
Even if you're deeply convinced therapy could help your relationship, empathy—not persuasion—is the most powerful starting point.
Try seeing the situation through your partner’s lens. Maybe they fear being misunderstood. Maybe they’re not used to talking about emotions. Whatever the reason, validating their discomfort doesn't mean you agree—it means you care enough to listen.
Empathy builds trust. And trust builds the foundation for change.
Rather than saying, “We need therapy or this won’t work,” try framing your desire for therapy in terms of your own growth and hopes for the relationship. Example:
“I’ve been feeling stuck and would love some help working through what’s going on. I think therapy could help me—and maybe even help us communicate better.”
Avoid blame. Instead, express your needs, goals, and hopes using “I” statements. The more grounded and vulnerable your tone, the more likely your partner is to truly hear you.
Therapy isn’t just about problems—it’s about solutions.
Help your partner see how therapy can:
You might say:
“This isn’t about fixing you or pointing fingers. It’s about learning how we can better support each other.”
You can also share success stories (from friends or online) of couples who found therapy to be a turning point—not a punishment.
If the word “therapy” feels too heavy or intimidating, start smaller.
Try:
This helps therapy feel like an experiment, not a life sentence—and may lower resistance.
Even if only one of you is ready for therapy, you can still set shared relationship goals:
Talk about what each of you wants—and how you might achieve it. A compromise could be trying therapy for a month, then re-evaluating. The key is mutual buy-in.
If your partner is still unwilling to participate, respect their boundary—but don’t neglect your own needs.
Individual therapy can still create powerful change. It can help you:
Remember, you don’t need both people in therapy to begin healing.
It’s painful to feel alone in your desire to improve the relationship. But even small steps—led with empathy and openness—can create shifts over time. Therapy may not be an option today, but that doesn’t mean growth is off the table.
Continue the conversation with compassion. Educate without pushing. Invite without demanding. And take care of yourself in the process.
If you're ready to start your own therapy journey—or just need someone to talk to—Desert Consulting is here to help. Whether it’s individual sessions or couples counseling, our therapists specialize in helping people navigate tough relationship dynamics with clarity and care.
📞 Call 435-268-2456 or schedule a session to explore your options.
