By: Jaisha Evans | Jul 26, 2021 | Relationships and Mental Health
One of the most common reasons couples seek counseling is to improve communication. But improving communication isn’t just about talking more—it’s about understanding and feeling understood. It’s about building a deeper emotional connection.
Here are six strategies to foster more open, honest, and emotionally fulfilling communication in your relationship:
Assess for Subtle DishonestyMany couples don’t realize they are being subtly dishonest. This isn’t about lies or cheating—it’s about withholding. For example, if one partner asks for time together and the other agrees despite wanting to finish cleaning, this can lead to resentment. Hidden thoughts and unspoken preferences can erode trust. Ask yourself: Are there moments where I could be more honest about what I think, feel, or need?
Use Assertive Communication to Hold BoundariesOnce honesty is in place, use assertive language to express your needs and hold boundaries. Resentment often stems from unmet needs or boundaries not being communicated. For instance: “I want to finish tidying the kitchen before bed. I’d love to spend time with you after.”
Don’t Be Afraid of ContentionAvoiding tough conversations out of fear they’ll spark conflict only delays healing. Instead, shift the mindset: "Yes, this might be difficult—but we can come to a place of understanding together." Honest conversations often lead to clarity, resolution, and deeper connection.
Share FeelingsFeelings—especially vulnerable ones—can be hard to share. We worry about being judged or misunderstood. But sharing real emotions (fear, insecurity, sadness) allows our partners to connect with us authentically and respond with empathy. Vulnerability builds intimacy.
Share ThoughtsWe all create stories in our heads when something feels off. Instead of assuming, say: “I have a story going through my head and I’d like to share it—can we talk?” This helps prevent misunderstandings and builds connection through curiosity rather than assumption.
Commit to 100% HonestyWhen both partners commit to full honesty, it removes second-guessing and emotional guessing games. If one partner needs space, they can say so—and the other can respect that without overanalyzing. It creates emotional safety, independence, and mutual respect.
At Desert Consulting, we understand that healthy communication takes practice and support. If you’re ready to explore how these tools can strengthen your relationship, contact us to speak with a licensed couples therapist.
