By: Julie Mathews | Feb 6, 2025 | Emotional Wellness, Mental Health Awareness, Relationships and Mental Health, Self-Care Strategies
Depending on the source, divorce rates for first marriages range from 35–50%, and they’re even higher for second marriages. For parents, a difficult but common question arises: Will our kids be okay?
At a recent Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC) conference, we explored how to protect children’s mental health during divorce. As someone whose parents divorced when I was 21, I personally know the pain and disruption it can cause. But I also know it's possible to support kids through this transition with care, structure, and love.
Here are eight tips to help you co-parent effectively and safeguard your children's emotional well-being through the changes of divorce:
1. Keep Them Out of the Conflict
Even if your children are adults, let them stay children. Don’t involve them in arguments, and don’t ask them to take sides. Witnessing toxic conflict between parents can impact how they view relationships for years to come.
2. Maintain Daily Routines
Help your children feel grounded by preserving familiar routines. Consistency in both homes—meals, bedtime, school, and even friend groups—can ease the anxiety of change.
3. Ensure Both Parents Stay Involved
Children thrive when both parents remain actively present. Encourage your kids to love both of you. Don't make them choose.
4. Avoid Badmouthing Your Ex
Children internalize what they hear. Speaking negatively about the other parent can lead to guilt, confusion, or emotional distancing. Save those conversations for trusted friends or a therapist.
5. Don’t Lean on Your Child for Emotional Support
Your kids are not your therapists. Even if they want to help, let them know you appreciate their care—but reassure them that you have adults supporting you.
6. Be Honest—But Age-Appropriate
Don’t leave children in the dark. Be transparent about changes they’ll experience, but avoid dragging them into court cases or personal disputes.
7. Take Care of Yourself
Your mental and physical health matter. When you care for yourself, you show your children how to navigate adversity. Find support through therapy, community, faith, or hobbies.
8. Trust Your Parental Instincts
Pay attention to shifts in your child’s behavior. If you see sadness, acting out, or social withdrawal, check in. Let them know you're available to talk, and consider counseling if needed.
Divorce doesn’t have to break your children—it can be an opportunity to teach resilience, empathy, and healthy boundaries. Co-parenting takes work, but by staying emotionally strong, supporting each other’s roles, and keeping the focus on your kids, you can help them feel safe and loved through every chapter of life.
