Listening to the Parts Within
Have you ever caught yourself thinking, "Why is this happening to me?"—only to hear multiple inner voices chime in with competing thoughts? One blames you. Another points fingers at someone else. A third tries to distract you with a drink or Netflix.
This doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you have “parts”—subpersonalities that each carry their own stories, fears, and protective instincts. According to psychologist Jay Earley, the mind isn’t a single voice but a complex system of parts, much like a family: wounded children, critical parents, caretakers, rebels, and more.
That’s the foundation of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz. IFS helps people heal trauma by getting to know these internal parts, understanding their origins, and learning how to unburden the pain they carry.
Clair, a middle-aged professional, came to therapy because her heart would race whenever she was running late. On the surface, it seemed like a simple stress reaction. But through IFS, we discovered much more.
Clair had multiple “parts” reacting at once: one blamed her husband, one linked her anxiety to her high-pressure career, and another simply wanted to avoid any commitments at all. At first, Clair didn’t want to dive into those feelings—she just wanted them to go away. But over time, she became curious.
Through guided IFS work, she connected her physical sensation—a foggy, hot tightness in her chest—to a buried childhood memory: walking home alone after school, being harassed by older boys, and feeling helpless and ashamed. The racing heart wasn’t about being late—it was about being unsafe.
As trauma expert Dr. Bessel van der Kolk reminds us, “Trauma is the imprint left by an experience on mind, brain, and body.” Even when the mind forgets, the body remembers.
Trauma acts like a bookmark in the story of our lives. When we encounter something similar—like being late—it flips us back to that old chapter. Parts of us step in to protect, even if their methods no longer serve us.
In Clair’s case, a part took on the job of “never being late” to protect her from shame and harm. That part worked hard for decades but was stuck in a past survival response. Through IFS, Clair acknowledged the part, thanked it for protecting her, and helped it release the burden it carried.
IFS therapy guides clients through a process called "unburdening." It’s a way to release pain, shame, or fear that parts have held onto for years. Once a part is unburdened, it can take on a new role—one that’s supportive, not reactive.
After doing this work, Clair didn’t just "feel better"—she felt free. She could schedule appointments without dread. Being late no longer triggered panic. Her system had reorganized, and healing had begun.
As Dr. Bruce Perry writes, “It takes courage to confront our actions, peel back the layers of trauma in our lives, and expose the raw truth of our past. But this is where healing begins.”
At Desert Consulting, we use Internal Family Systems and other evidence-based approaches to help clients reconnect with themselves. Because healing isn’t just about surviving—it’s about thriving. You were born to flourish.
