By: Kaela Judd | May 31, 2022 | Emotional Wellness

Owning Your Emotions & Triggers

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How many times have you heard someone say, “You made me feel ___”? Or maybe you’ve caught yourself saying it?

Let’s break down what’s really happening in that statement. When we tell someone they made us feel a certain way, we’re unintentionally handing over control of our emotional state—and placing blame on them. We’re implying they are responsible for fixing our discomfort. But in truth, our emotions are ours to own.

When we operate from this mindset, we may unconsciously manipulate others into changing their behavior—even when they’ve done nothing wrong. We create stories about their intent and project our inner narratives onto them, rather than pausing to ask ourselves: Why did this trigger me?

In a culture full of people-pleasers, it’s no surprise many of us fear emotional distance. When others pull away emotionally, we adapt—sometimes in ways that betray our own needs—just to maintain the illusion of closeness. But in doing so, we lose pieces of ourselves. The emotional toll of constantly managing other people’s feelings leads to exhaustion, burnout, and disconnection.

So how do we take our power back? How do we truly own our emotions and triggers?

As a trauma and couples therapist, I teach clients to first tune into their bodies. Emotional awareness doesn’t start with thoughts. It starts with physical sensations.

Statements like “I feel like you don’t listen” aren’t feelings—they’re thoughts. Real emotions are experienced in the body. Ask yourself:

• Where do I feel sadness?
• Where does anxiety live in my body?
• What does anger feel like physically?

By reconnecting with the body, we begin to access the deeper truth of our experience.

Try this the next time you feel overwhelmed, resentful, angry, or disconnected:

1. Pause before reacting.
2. Scan your body. Where do you feel tightness, heaviness, or energy?
3. Identify the emotion behind the physical sensation.
4. Acknowledge that feeling without blaming anyone for it.

This practice of emotional ownership creates space for healthier responses, deeper connection, and more peace within ourselves. Instead of reacting from old wounds or assumptions, we respond from clarity and grounded self-awareness.

Understanding your emotional triggers isn't about suppressing them—it’s about meeting them with curiosity and compassion. Only when we own what’s ours can we communicate effectively, set healthy boundaries, and build truly authentic relationships.

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