By: Kaela Judd | Sep 7, 2021 | Relationships and Mental Health

Stop Playing the Game of Relational Jumanji

Recently, I came across a concept that completely changed how I understand relationship dynamics: The Drama Triangle. First introduced by Stephen Karpman in the 1960s, this model outlines the toxic roles people fall into when dealing with conflict: the Victim, the Persecutor, and the Rescuer.

These roles are common, often developed in childhood, and they can carry into adulthood—damaging our relationships in the process.

Let’s break it down:

The Victim sees themselves as powerless, stuck in a mindset of “poor me.” They look to others to fix or save them, often feeling paralyzed to act for themselves.
The Persecutor criticizes, blames, and tries to control. They deflect responsibility by projecting fault onto others.
The Rescuer appears helpful but acts from guilt or obligation. They ignore their own needs and try to save others—not from genuine choice, but from fear.

These roles are fueled by shame, fear, and insecurity. And once you recognize them, you’ll start seeing them everywhere: in conversations, on social media, in your own reactions. Ever left a conversation feeling drained or like you’re on an emotional merry-go-round? You were likely trapped inside the Drama Triangle.

So, how do we break free?

The first step is radical self-awareness. What role do you tend to play? Be honest—this awareness is the key to stepping out of the triangle.

Next, shift into what’s called The Caring Triangle (also known as The Winner’s Triangle). Here’s how:

From Victim to Creator:

Take responsibility for your emotions and actions
Clearly and directly ask for what you need
Practice emotional regulation
Be open and honest with yourself and others

From Persecutor to Challenger:

Set healthy, respectful boundaries
Use assertive (not aggressive) communication
Seek compromise and shared understanding
Offer feedback without judgment

From Rescuer to Coach:

Ask yourself: Am I acting from guilt, fear, or choice?
Support others without fixing everything for them
Encourage others to solve their own problems
Honor your own needs—dig deep and name them

What happens when you stop playing?

When you step out of the Drama Triangle, others still inside may start bouncing around like pinballs—trying to find someone to fill each role. That’s because the dynamic depends on people staying in those unhealthy roles to function. But if even one person steps out, the cycle begins to collapse.

True connection doesn’t come from guilt or control. It comes from clarity, honesty, and mutual respect. When you operate from The Caring Triangle, your relationships become healthier, more empowering, and far more authentic.

Recommended Reading:

How to Break Free of the Drama Triangle and Victim Consciousness by Barry K. Weinhold, PhD & Janae B. Weinhold, PhD
The Karpman Drama Triangle Explained… by Chris West
Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist by Margalis Fjelstad

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