by Julie Mathews | Aug 8, 2023 | Relationships and Mental Health

Falling In Love: How to Follow Your Heart While Using Your Head

Navigating Love with Clarity and Compassion

Falling in love is a beautiful and emotional experience—but it can also cloud our judgment. In the glow of romance, we often miss signs, ignore red flags, or idealize the other person. Whether we learned about love from movies, books, or our upbringing, these influences can distort what healthy love actually looks like.

So how do you follow your heart without losing your head?

Turns out, there is a way to evaluate love with both emotional intelligence and grounded insight. These five key areas will help guide your decisions as you explore relationships with curiosity and care.

1. Compatibility Potential: The Soulmate Check-In

True compatibility has three dimensions:

• Chemistry – That magnetic spark is important—but don’t let it fool you. Chemistry alone doesn’t indicate strong character or long-term potential. It fluctuates and can’t carry a relationship by itself.
• Complementarity – A healthy partner brings out your best self. They challenge and support you in ways that help you grow—not stay stuck.
• Comparability – Shared core values, lifestyle preferences, and long-term goals are the bedrock of a thriving relationship. The more aligned you are here, the smoother your journey together.

2. Relationship Skills: Communication Is Connection

Your soulmate communicates. Pay close attention to how your partner talks, listens, and handles conflict.

Do they…

• Express emotions clearly?
• Listen without defensiveness?
• Apologize and repair after a disagreement?

Many couples in therapy cite communication issues as a root problem. Without these skills, love often unravels. But with them? You have a real chance at resilience.

3. Relationship Patterns: Watch Their Everyday Behavior

How your partner treats other people says a lot about how they’ll treat you over time.

Observe them in different settings:

• Are they respectful to restaurant staff?
• How do they handle stress?
• Do they gossip or uplift others?

Patterns in past relationships—romantic or not—can offer helpful clues.

4. Family Background: The Echoes of Childhood

We often repeat the dynamics we learned in childhood unless we intentionally work to change them. That includes:

• How we express affection
• How we handle conflict
• How we respond to emotional needs

Notice your partner’s relationship with their parents and siblings. You’re not just dating them—you’re encountering their family system too. As the saying goes: “You don’t get Jethro without the Clampetts.”

5. Character and Conscience: The Soul of a Soulmate

Communication skills and charm are great—but they mean little without integrity. Pay attention to:

• Do they live by their values?
• Do they take ownership of their mistakes?
• Do they consider how their actions affect others?

Your soulmate should have a strong conscience. It’s what turns connection into something trustworthy and lasting.

Are You the Right One?

Falling in love is not just about finding the “right” person—it’s about becoming the right person, too.

Take time to reflect on your own relationship patterns, communication habits, and values. Growth on your end increases your chances of building something healthy and enduring.

For more on this topic, check out the book “How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk” by Dr. John Van Epp—a practical guide that pairs perfectly with real-world relationships.