by Carley Ward | Aug 18, 2023 | Trauma and Healing
Finding Resilience in the Face of Tragedy: My Journey Through Trauma
Grief is heavy. It’s disorienting, isolating, and often impossible to put into words—especially when it’s the result of a sudden, unimaginable loss. When I lost my fiancé, Brent, in a tragic motorcycle accident, I thought my life had ended too. But through therapy, determination, and time, I’ve found a way to rebuild—slowly, painfully, but surely. This is my story of trauma, healing, and resilience.
The Motorcycle Trip That Changed Everything
Motorcycles were our shared joy. Brent and I spent hours riding together through the canyons and valleys around St. George, Utah. After clocking more than 10,000 miles in six months, Brent proposed we take a road trip to visit my hometown in Northern California. Though October meant colder mountain roads, we went anyway. The trip up was beautiful—long, cold, but magical.
On the return trip, we left early to make it back in a day. Just three hours from home, riding down Nevada’s Extraterrestrial Highway at dusk, we were surrounded by the most stunning sunset. Everything felt perfect.
Then everything changed.
Out of nowhere, a massive black cow stood in the middle of the road. I missed it by inches. Brent didn’t. He hit it at full force.
I remember screaming into the darkness, frantically searching through shattered bike parts. When I finally found him, I couldn’t feel a pulse. I was alone, with no cell service and the nearest town 30 miles away. I held him, begging for a miracle I knew wasn’t coming.
That night shattered my world.
Navigating the Shock and Unbearable Grief
The shock after Brent’s death was paralyzing. I felt like I had fallen into a black hole—no footing, no light, no way out. My days were filled with “what-ifs” and guilt. I couldn’t process how something so beautiful ended in such devastation.
That’s when I turned to therapy—specifically, trauma-focused approaches like EMDR and Lifespan Integration. My therapist gave me space to cry, to rage, and to begin understanding my grief. Therapy didn’t erase the pain, but it helped me carry it. It reminded me that healing doesn't mean forgetting—it means honoring love while learning to live again.
Learning to Live in a New Reality
In the weeks after the funeral, friends and family surrounded me. But as time passed, people went back to their routines—and I was left in a quiet, unfamiliar world.
I hit a dark place. The kind you don’t expect to come back from. But I kept going—for the people who loved me, and for Brent, who I believe was watching over me.
Grief still visits me, often without warning. But it doesn’t own me anymore. I’ve learned that it’s okay to smile, to laugh, and to find joy again. Healing isn’t linear—it’s full of setbacks, breakthroughs, and grace.
Today, I’m married to an incredible man. We’re expecting our first child soon—a new chapter I once thought would never be possible.
A Message for Anyone Facing Loss or Trauma
If you're reading this in the midst of loss, I want you to know something: it won't always hurt this much.
You can heal. You can laugh again. You can live again.
Give yourself time. Find the right support. Feel it all—the anger, the guilt, the sadness, the moments of peace. And know that healing doesn’t mean leaving your loved one behind. It means carrying them with you into the future.
Final Thoughts: There is Life After Loss
Losing Brent was the deepest pain I’ve ever known. But through that loss, I discovered a strength I didn’t know I had. My hope is that my story helps even one person see a flicker of light in their own dark night.
No matter how broken you feel right now—there is hope. You are not alone.
