By Julie Mathews | Sep 11, 2023 | Relationships and Mental Health
Depending on the source you seek, divorce rates are anywhere from 35–50% for first marriages and even higher for second marriages. Many parents will ask themselves, “Will our kids be okay?” or “What will our family look like in the future?” These are valid fears that can trigger deep emotions.
I recently attended a conference hosted by the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC), where we explored strategies for effective co-parenting and keeping children emotionally resilient when parents are divorcing.
My parents divorced when I was 21. I still remember the emotional pain I felt—watching my parents and siblings hurt was deeply unsettling. Even as an adult, I struggled with the realization that our family would never look the same. While attending the AFCC conference, I found myself reflecting on how my parents transitioned into co-parenting. It wasn’t perfect, but they worked hard to support their children through a difficult time.
Here are several tips that can help parents navigate the emotional and logistical challenges of divorce while supporting their children’s emotional well-being.
Let your child be a child—even if they’re adults. Don’t involve them in the conflict. They should feel free to love both parents without pressure to choose sides. When kids witness venomous fighting, they’re more likely to act out and develop unhealthy views of relationships. Model maturity and healthy communication, even in difficult moments.
Divorce brings disruption—adjusting to two homes, different schedules, and emotional ups and downs. Keep routines consistent between households. Help children stay close to their friends, schools, and extended family. Consistency provides a sense of security when everything else feels uncertain.
Gone are the days when divorce meant children rarely saw one parent. Since the 1980s, research has shown that children benefit from meaningful relationships with both parents. No one parent is more important than the other. Encourage your children to maintain strong bonds with each parent, and avoid making them feel like they must choose.
It’s easy to vent—especially when emotions are high—but be mindful of what you say around your children. Negative talk about the other parent is confusing and painful for kids. It creates emotional conflict, even if they don’t express it. Speak respectfully about your co-parent, and save grievances for your therapist or trusted adult friends.
Your child isn’t your emotional caregiver. Many children want to help their parents feel better, but they shouldn’t carry that burden. If your child offers support, thank them for their care, but reassure them that you have adults to lean on. Let them focus on being a kid.
Kids can sense when something is wrong, so don’t leave them in the dark. Answer their questions honestly but avoid burdening them with legal, financial, or relational details. Instead, focus on reassuring them about what matters most—your love, support, and continued presence in their life.
Your kids are watching how you cope. Divorce is stressful, and your well-being impacts theirs. Seek support from therapists, faith leaders, or support groups. Make time for hobbies, rest, and relationships. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
You know your children better than anyone. If you notice changes in their mood, sleep, school performance, or social interactions, address it. Don’t ignore signs of emotional distress. Reach out to professionals if needed. Teamwork between both parents gives children the best chance at stability and healing.
Divorce can break hearts, but it doesn’t have to break children. With intentional co-parenting and emotional resilience, your family can move forward. Stay emotionally strong, live your values, stay connected, forgive, and grow. Your children are learning from how you navigate difficult times. You’re shaping their ability to face challenges in their own lives—starting with how you handle this one.
